I have a pretty average life, as far as that of a student goes. I clock a significant amount of time at the library. I work unpaid internships. I eat a lot of cheap falafel.
I also go to a decent number of parties.
Parties are alright. I like meeting new people, drinking alcohol I don’t pay for, and generally enjoying drunken shenanigans with my friends.
But sometimes parties aren’t all that much fun and therefore need to be jump-started with a little mischief. Since I don’t really believe in lighting things on fire for sport or pushing people off of balconies, I’ll settle for ruining parties with terrible music.
The compulsive need to play cringe-worthy songs in social settings began last fall, when my friend Katie and I went to a party. In said party’s Facebook event description thing (technology?) we were PROMISED “All About That Bass” (Seriously, it said something like “let’s all get wasted and dance to “All About That Bass”. Juvenile? Yes. My kind of party? Also yes). So when we showed up and found a bunch of bros (there were maybe 2 other girls, ourselves not included) awkwardly nodding along with angry rap music, we knew something had to change. It took a while (and several verbalized requests to friends of the host), but we FINALLY commandeered the Spotify-in-charge and played “All About That Bass”. We were satisfied, but the other guests were confused and unnerved. It was a quiet chaos. The bros had never experienced such a mutiny. And with that, a new hobby was born.
The act of ruining a party with music can go one of two ways. It’s likely that your terrible song choice will appeal to others (see: “Dancing Queen” or “When Doves Cry”) and actually make everyone dance, sing, and bond. You’ll be a silent hero. On the flip side, as with “All About That Bass” at the bro party, everyone will just become confused and kind of uncomfortable. This is highly entertaining to watch. So in short, you simply can’t go wrong.
This is my “ruining parties !!!!” playlist. Use it wisely, and feel free to add your own garbage-y favorites to best suit the parties you want to ruin.
“Guillotine”- Death Grips
Disclaimer: I know people who genuinely like Death Grips. But these are few and far between, so I’d say that Death Grips are an excellent choice for fucking up others’ nights.
“Dancing Queen”- ABBA
If you’re partying with halfway decent people they’ll love you for this (after being kinda confused for the first thirty seconds or so). It’s a good way to know who you should remain friends with, yeah?
“It’s Raining Men”- The Weather Girls
Wanna freak out some straight guys? Of course you do! Again though, if your friends are fun this is likely to be an enjoyable tune for all.
“The Boys Are Back in Town”- Thin Lizzy
Inspired by this piece, of course. Killer party-ruiner in all contexts.
“The Wormhole”- Hans Zimmer (the “Interstellar” soundtrack)
A true story:
I show up at a party one night, a couple of hours late because I’ve been at work. Most of those in attendance are already pretty trashed and acting as such. I sidle up to a high school friend as I nurse a cup of whatever and make conversation.
Me: “So you’re drinking now? Is that new?”
Him: “Yeah, I mean I do sometimes, but I like smoking weed more”
Me: *Something or other about smoking weed*
Him: *Something or other about smoking weed and listening to the Interstellar soundtrack*
Me: *Notices that the speaker and phone playing music have been left dangerously close to where we’re sitting*
Me: “Hey, should we play the Interstellar soundtrack?”
Everyone was confused and the party definitely got slightly less fun for a good few minutes. Solid.
“When Doves Cry”- Prince
I mostly put this on here because I know it’d make me dance really dramatically and therefore make others uncomfortable.
“All About That Bass”- Meghan Trainor
Already been explained. A true classic; the one that started it all.
“Edge of Seventeen”- Stevie Nicks
This was Mairead’s suggestion, but its presence in our lives came about when our friend Nathaniel decided one night that I act like Joan Cusack’s character in School of Rock while drunk. Just like the white-winged dove sings a song, sounds like she’s singin’!
“Cat’s in the Cradle”- Harry Chapin
Because what’s not fun about drinking and crying about your daddy issues?
“Bet On It”- Troy (“High School Musical 2” soundtrack)
Someone- I’m still not entirely sure who the culprit is- put on one of the High School Musical soundtracks while drinking at my apartment once and I’ve never forgotten it. A guaranteed night-ruiner.
“Puff, the Magic Dragon”- Peter, Paul and Mary
Katie’s (brilliant) suggestion. At least it’s probably about drugs so maybe some stoner kids will dig it?
“Angel”- Sarah McLachlan
I really think this is the most evil track on here. Use only when you’re feeling extra malicious.
“My Heart Will Go On”- Celine Dion
My friend Arvind’s addition. Also the song that everyone learned how to play on the piano in 4th grade (and, you know, it’s in that one movie).
“Ashtray Eyes”- Pinkish Black
This horrid, horrid band opened for the Mountain Goats at the Moody Theater last week. Fun fact: their name is derived from the color of the walls of the bathroom in which their late third bandmate committed suicide. Enjoy.
Feed your sadistic compulsions and ruin a party tonight with this handy playlist!